Now before this is read, I must make a disclaimer that it's late. I'm tired, I've had a really emotionally twisted day, so maybe I'm not in the more saner of my moments. Screw that, I've got some anti-ranting (raving?) to do.
I've been waxing philosophic with some of my friends as well as other people lately. For example, me and Plug always seem to end up talking about deep stuff, and me and Kathleen do as well. I know I've mentioned my fear of death to Plug several times, and the fact that I'm frustrated by the lack of purpose in life. After thinking long and hard, I've come to only one conclusion.
Life is worthwhile because of others.
Now before you go, "The hell? You, who hates everyone, is preaching the 'people are great' anthem? Get serious."
Now, the fact that I'm a hypocritical, wishy-washy bitch shouldn't be anything new to those who know me (those who read this ^^). I'm moody and irritable. However, one thing that remains constant, (never mind what I may think in a moment of anger or sadness), is that I love my friends.
I've never been one to have a bazillion friends. I prefer to have only a few really good, close friends, and some nice casual acquaintances. And the fact that of my current few, half live far away from me doesn't bother me, either, because I can still get to know them well. I suppose I'm easily pleased, I can agree with that. I know I wont be 'friends forever' with most of these people, as friends drift apart, break away, come and go like a snap. The point I'm trying to make is that, right now, I am happy because of my friends.
I'm scared of the future. I'm scared to go out on my own. I'm scared to get in the car and drive down the street for God's sake. It's hard for me to get the motivation to do the things I know need to be done. Yet, as long as I have my friends, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even if they all up and left me now, I wouldn't be sad, because the fact is they enriched my life by being a part of it, for however briefly. I'm sad that I don't get to see Sondra anymore, but all of my experiences with her are memories I wouldn't trade away for anything. Seeing her last year, out of nowhere, was the highlight of my day, because I could tell that she feels the same. We were best friends that grew apart, but we'll always have the memories.
So David, Kathleen, Cyrus, Preston, thanks for being my friends. I hate to get all Kaworu Nagisa on you, but I really mean it. Because of you, my life is worthwhile.